Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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