i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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