I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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