today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
