Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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