Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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