Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
