At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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