the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
