just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
