i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
