I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
