We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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