Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
