Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
