She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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