Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
