Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
