he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
