I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize