I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
