"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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