i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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