everyone is single if you try hard enough
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
