I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
