id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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