Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
