I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to be your penis for a week.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
