Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize