man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
