Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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