When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
