Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
