I want to stick my p in your. b.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
