Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
