Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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