loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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