he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
