i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
