I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
