I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
