You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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