can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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