i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
