Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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