you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
