Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
