Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
