i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
