I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
