No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
me + whiskey = a bad person
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
