Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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