I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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