Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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