Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
