What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
