We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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