we have pet lesbian snakes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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