you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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