My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wear drunk well.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
