I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
