ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
