Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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