batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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