I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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