i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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