I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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