I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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